Martes, Oktubre 9, 2012


        The Philippines is a rich source of courtship rituals. Although some of the traditional ways of courting are no longer observed, given the Western influences, there are still those that persist particularly in the rural areas.
Filipinos are very romantic when it comes to the affairs of the heart. Serenading was one of the most popular forms of courtship to show that a man is very serious with his intentions to a woman right up until the 1950s. A serenade would require the young man to sing a love song in front of the young lady's house. Normally, he was accompanied by his male friends who acted as back-up singers. The man himself or his friend played the instrument, usually a guitar, that provides the background music to his song.
They would have to wait until the young lady opened a window to listen. It would be up to her if she wanted to invite them in for some refreshment and to chat after the song. Even if they had been asked to come in, the suitor would not expect that he could have the chance of a private moment with his object of affection. It was highly likely that the parents would also be there to entertain the man and his friends.

Traditional Courtship
Filipino Courtship

Linggo, Oktubre 7, 2012



Our loving ways by Edilberto Alegre
"Mahal kita, mahal kita, hindi ito bola."
The phrase is the first verse line of a song which was written by a teenager, so said a DJ of the time, in the early 1970s. That's some three decades ago. And yet we still hear it played on the radio, especially around this time of the year.
The line literally means "I love you, I love you, I am not joking." Bola means ball, as in basketball. To "make bola," a patent and peculiar English Tagalog statement, derives from Tagalog: e.g. Binobola mo lang ako, which implies saying untruths but in such a charming manner that what the speaker says appear to be true. It's related to "binibilog ang ulo," literally making a head round -- bola (ball) and bilog (circle) have the same shape round. It remotely recalls "drawing circles" around someone.
To make the title of this section sound closer to English, then: "Seriously, I love you." That deflates the statement though, since the translation is bereft of all that affection in a Pinoy's wooing of a woman. Affection and the lightness of language -- for she, if Pinoy, too, knows he can just be saying it but not truly meaning it, so he enjoins her at the end of the line plaintively: do believe me, hindi ito bola, seriously, peks man, cross my heart and hope to die.
Deep down the Pinoy knows words are just that -- words. Sounds articulated by the vocal cords. Nice to say, good to hear. They need not always carry the weight of truth. And we're adept at manipulating them. It's a cultural attitude to language. We're not supposed to believe everything we hear.
Verbal meaning is kahulugan. The root word is hulog which means "fall" (nahulog sa hagdan -- (s)he fell down the stairs) primarily and "partial" (hulugan -- installment) secondarily. So there are always implications and nuances and the truth is more in them than in the words themselves. So, the bearer must be assured by the speaker -- Hindi ito bola.
Oral speech especially is, then, a game. Politicians are masters of the game. Quezon and Marcos were acknowledged orators who exhibited their genius for bola in public fora here and abroad.
Love in the oral level is a game. There is the pursuer and the pursued. And there are the arrows of words to slay the wooed into belief. Even in the written certainly, the attitude to language is the same. No wonder then that the perennial best-seller continues to be a thin book of samples of loveletters. In Tagalog, that is.
Where is the truth of the loving, then? In the acts of loving, in the action of love -- especially those which are not meretricious; those which do not advertise the feeling of love and loving behind the act and actions. Wala sa salita; nasa gawa. Not in the words but in the actions.
How does one show na hindi ito bola? There is a cultural context to it, of course. As red roses in the west. There's the gift giving, too. But traditionally it's pasalubong -- bringing someone a gift since (s)he was not there when the giver was. A gift to show that one remembered. Valentine's Day is a foreign idea which has not yet seeped into our traditional cultures.
But let me dwell on it a bit. Red is the emblem of the heart (so very bloody, though!), as roses should be red if one wishes to get across love as the message of the giving. This one day even old people won't feel corny wearing red shirts or red skirt. I know, in fact, a few who have Valentine's Day attire which they take out only once a year.
In the 1970s there was this red-and-white taxi named Alfredo's. On that one day, riders who wore red or red-and-white were entitled to a 50% discount. See, how far we can go! Luneta (national park) in those times bloomed in red. That one crazy day!
They are not that crazy in Japan. Primarily it's because the culture which Valentine's Day still tries to penetrate does not possess the articulate meretriciousness of ours. Theirs is an oppressed society -- oppressed by feudalism which continues to fuel it. Their extreme behavior on this day consists of a mild reversal of roles, namely, the girls can gift the boys with chocolates to express their feelings. And that's confined to the young. Just the young.
Let me contrast that with a story here in Tacloban, Leyte (Eastern Visayas). A couple who had been married for almost three decades had seven children between them. On Valentine's Day morning, the husband forgot to greet his wife. She let it pass. In the evening he came home a bit tipsy. He had forgotten completely that it was Valentine's Day. When he was changing his clothes she threw her slippers at him. Love and loving we expect even after decades of togetherness.
HINDI ITO BOLA
These are stories from my hometown, Victoria in the province of Tarlac (Central Luzon). True-to-life love stories. There are many such stories there.
The first has to do with the parents of my closest friend, Ely. His father, Apo Sinti, was taciturn. Ely feared him. He knew he could whip a guava branch to pulp on an offending son's butt. During his entire life Ely remembers only one event -- the father made a top for him using only a bolo (sword). He does not remember him talking to him at all.
In contrast, the mother -- Apo La Paz -- was always talking. They had a huge house on our Calle Real (now Rizal St.) and they had always a slew of maids. She inherited quite a large mass of riceland so she was used to ordering people about.
Apo Sinti found eating at the family table a bother. Perhaps he could not stand Apo La Paz's incessant yakking which became worse during meals. So, Apo Sinti had his special table in the kitchen. A rather small one. He always ate ahead of everybody. Apo La Paz herself, not a maid, would set the table. Then she'd have him called.
He'd come, sit down, and eat silently. She'd be bustling in the kitchen -- checking the food a-cooking on the stoves, the setting of their huge family table, the gradual filling up of the dining room with people, food, and the drinks and sweets which were on another table ready for serving.
During all this she would check on Apo Sinti -- saw to his glass of iced water which had to be replenished always, and the banana which was his preferred fruit. They did not speak with each other. He ate all that was served him. She knew exactly how much rice he ate and what viands he preferred and how much of these he consumed.
Then as silently as he came in, he'd leave. Apo La Paz would then call one of the maids to clean the table and place it in one corner of the kitchen.
One Sunday morning, Apo Sinti staggered to a traysikad, a bicycle with a side car, even before the mass ended in our one Catholic Church proximate to the town plaza. He didn't make it back to their house. He had a heart attack.
Apo La Paz cried, but she didn't wail. She saw to all the funeral arrangements. She was the overseer of the wake. After the funeral she retired to her room. She had to be called for the family meals. She receded into silence.
After a month, she died.
The second story, has to do with the old couple across our house. I don't remember their names. They were a very quiet, self-contained husband-and-wife. They married late, it seems. Their only child was a loquacious tall male who since childhood manifested strong signs of effeminateness.
The son was away for high school. And then a terribly extended medical schooling. They didn't seem to mind. The old man hardly went out of the house. The old woman we hardly saw. All that I remember of them is her standing around as he watered the many plants their son loved. Their yard was a veritable garden.
Every few days a young boy would sweep the yard. The old couple would be seated in their veranda. I have no recollection of their voices. But they did talk with each other. I could see them from our own second-floor veranda.
One day the old man fell ill. The young boy called my father, who was a medical doctor. My father said it was serious. After three days he died. The effeminate son came back and made quite a scene in his wailing and flailing about. He returned to his medical school after the funeral.
We only got news of the old woman from the young boy who stayed with her. He was the son of one of their tenants. He said that she refused to go out of her room. He served her her meals there. She receded into silence.
After two weeks, she died.
These two old couples remind me of a Guy de Maupassant short story. A hunter shot a bird. The other bird, its mate obviously, circled around it. It refused to leave. It kept going around the spot where the first bird fell. Gradually it went down, still moving in circles. It was as if it wanted to be shot, too. The hunter aimed at it and killed it.
They remind me, too, of an old Indian myth. In the beginning, Man and Woman were one. Somehow they got separated. The Man went to the right. The Woman went to the left. They had been looking for each other since then.
Love or, I suppose, marriage in the myth is the discovery of our other half. The Man and the Woman become one again. We go through life looking for our other half, that which would complete us. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes not. If we don't then we go through another cycle of life, another cycle of searching. Life is a quest for completion by way of finding the Man or Woman who is our lost other half.
In our culture we call this completion of self love.


TAMPUHAN, a classic painting by Juan Luna, 1895.  This painting depicts sweethearts having a lovers' quarrel.

The Tagalog term tampo has no English equivalent.  Magtampo is usually translated as 'to sulk', but it does not quite mean that.  'Sulk' seems to have a negative meaning which is not expressed in magtampo.   It is a way of withdrawing, of expressing hurt feelings in a culture where outright expression of anger is discouraged.  For example, if a child who feels hurt or neglected may show tampo by withdrawing from the group, refusing to eat, and resisting expressions of affection such as touching or kissing by the members of the family.  A woman may also show tampo if she feels jealous or neglected by her beloved.  Tampuhan is basically a lovers' quarrel, often manifested in total silent treatment or not speaking to each other.
The person who is nagtatampo expects to be aamuin or cajoled out of the feeling of being unhappy or left out.  Parents usually let a child give way to tampo before he/she is cajoled to stop feeling hurt. 
Usually, tampo in Filipino culture is manifested in non-verbal ways, such as not talking to other people, keeping to one's self, being unusually quiet, not joining friends in group activities, not joining family outing, or simply locking one's self in his or her room. 


Panliligaw or ligawan are the Tagalog terms for courtship, which in some parts of the Tagalog-speaking regions is synonymous with pandidiga or digahan (from Spanish diga, 'to say, express').  Manliligaw is the one who courts a girl; nililigawan is the one who is being courted. 
In Philippine culture, courtship is far more subdued and indirect unlike in some Western societies.  A man who is interested in courting a woman has to be discreet and friendly at first, in order not to be seen as too presko or mayabang (aggressive or too presumptuous).  Friendly dates are often the starting point, often with a group of other friends.  Later, couples may go out on their own, but this is still to be done discreetly.  If the couple has decided to come out in the open about their romance, they will tell their family and friends as well. 
In the Philippines, if a  man wants to be taken seriously by a woman, he has to visit the latter's family and introduce himself formally to the parents of the girl.  It is rather inappropriate to court a woman and formalize the relationship without informing the parents of the girl.  It is always expected that the guy must show his face to the girl's family.  And if a guy wants to be acceptable to the girl's family, he has to give pasalubong (gifts) every time he drops by her family's house.   It is said that in the Philippines, courting a Filipina means courting her family as well.
In courting a Filipina, the metaphor often used is that of playing baseball.  The man is said to reach 'first base' if the girl accepts his proposal to go out on a date for the first time.  Thereafter, going out on several dates is like reaching the second and third bases.  A 'home-run' is one where the girl formally accepts the man's love, and they become magkasintahan (from sinta, love), a term for boyfriend-girlfriend. 
During the old times and in the rural areas of the Philippines, Filipino men would make harana (serenade) the women  at night and sing songs of love and affection.  This is basically a Spanish influence.  The man is usually accompanied by his close friends who provide moral support for the guy, apart from singing with him. 
Filipino women are expected to be pakipot (playing hard to get) because it is seen as an appropriate behavior in a courtship dance.   By being pakipot, the girl tells the man that he has to work hard to win her love.  It is also one way by which the Filipina will be able to measure the sincerity of her admirer.  Some courtships could last years before the woman accepts the man's love. 
A traditional dalagang Pilipina (Filipinpa maiden) is someone who is mahinhin (modest, shy, with good upbringing, well-mannered) and does not show her admirer that she is also in love with him immediately.  She is also not supposed to go out on a date with several men.  The opposite of mahinhin is malandi (flirt), which is taboo in Filipino culture as far as courtship is concerned.
After a long courtship, if the couple later decide to get married, there is the Filipino tradition of pamamanhikan (from panik, to go up the stairs of the house), where the man and his parents visit the woman's family and ask for her parents blessings to marry their daughter.  It is also an occasion for the parents of the woman to get to know the parents of the man.

During pamamanhikan, the man and his parents bring some pasalubong (gifts).  It is also at this time that the wedding date is formally set, and the couple become engaged to get married. 


The traditional dalagang Pilipina (Filipina maiden) is shy and secretive about her real feelings for a suitor and denies it even though she is really in love with the man.

Tuksuhan lang (just teasing) is the usual term associated with pairing off potential couples in Filipino culture.  This is common among teenagers and young adults.  It is a way of matching people who may have mutual admiration or affection for each other.  It may end up in a romance or avoidance of each other if the situation becomes embarrassing for both individuals.
Tuksuhan (teasing--and a girl's reaction to it) is a means for 'feeling out' a woman's attitude about an admirer or suitor.  If the denial is vehement and the girl starts avoiding the boy, then he gets the message that his desire to pursue her is hopeless.  The advantage of this is that he does not get embarrassed because he has not started courting the girl in earnest.  As in most Asian cultures, Filipinos avoid losing face. Basted (from English busted) is the Tagalog slang for someone who fails to reach 'first base' in courting a girl because she does not have any feelings for him to begin with.

However, if the girl 'encourages' her suitor (either by being nice to him or not getting angry with the 'teasers'), then the man can court in earnest and the tuksuhan eventually ends.  The courtship then has entered a 'serious' stage, and the romance begins.
A man who is unable to express his affection to a woman (who may have the same feelings for him) is called a torpe (stupid), dungo (extremely shy), or simply duwag (coward).  To call a man torpe means he does not know how to court a girl, is playing innocent, or does not know she also has an affection for him.

If a man is torpe, he needs a tulay (bridge)--anyone who is a mutual friend of him and the girl he loves--who then conveys to the girl his affection for her.   It is also a way of 'testing the waters' so to speak.  If the boy realizes that the girl does not have feelings for him, he will then not push through with the courtship, thus saving face. 
Some guys are afraid of their love being turned down by the girl.  In Tagalog, a guy whose love  has been turned down by the girl is called sawi (romantically sad), basted (busted), or simply labless (loveless).   Click here for Tagalog romantic phrasesused in Filipino courtship.

Group texting Activity

all of the boys will act either traditional or modern courtship.  the boys will sent a text message to the girl whom they want to be his partner.  and if he's the first in the girl inbox list, then they will be the partner in their presentation.
understand?!

online quiz

http://www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/story.php?title=traditional-courtship-and-modern

asynchronous presentation

http://www.slideshare.net/malitic12/ang-gandako
Online Poll
Dating Games

Other courtship practices

[edit]
Tagalog and Ilocos regions

Apart from the general background explained above, there are other similar and unique courting practices adhered to by Filipinos in other different regions of the Philippine archipelago. In the island of Luzon, the Ilocanos also perform serenading, known to them as tapat[6] (literally, "to be in front of" the home of the courted woman), which is similar to the harana[4] and also to the balagtasan of the Tagalogs. The suitor begins singing a romantic song, then the courted lady responds by singing too.

Rooster courtship is also another form of courting in Luzon. In this type of courtship, the rooster is assigned that task of being a "middleman", a "negotiator", or a "go-between", wherein the male chicken is left to stay in the home of the courted to crow every single morning for the admired lady's family.
In the province of Bulacan in Central Luzon, the Bulaqueños have a kind of courtship known as the naninilong (from the Tagalog word silong or "basement"). At midnight, the suitor goes beneath the nipa hut, a house that is elevated by bamboo poles, then prickles the admired woman by using a pointed object. Once the prickling caught the attention of the sleeping lady, the couple would be conversing in whispers.
The Ifugao of northern Luzon practices a courtship called ca-i-sing (this practice is known as the ebgan to the Kalinga tribes and as pangis to the Tingguian tribes), wherein males and females are separated into "houses". The house for the Filipino males is called the Ato, while the house for Filipino females is known as the olog or agamang. The males visit the females in the olog – the "bethrotal house" – to sing romantic songs. The females reply to these songs also through singing. The ongoing courtship ritual is overseen by a married elder or a childless widow who keeps the parents of the participating males and females well informed of the progress of the courtship process.
After the courtship process, the Batangueños of Batangas has a peculiar tradition performed on the eve of the wedding. A procession, composed of the groom’s mother, father, relatives, godfathersgodmothersbridesmaids, and groomsmen, occurs. Their purpose is to bring the cooking ingredients for the celebration to the bride’s home, where refreshments await them.

[edit]
Pangasinan region

In Pangasinan, the Pangasinenses utilizes the taga-amo, which literally means "tamer", a form of love potions or charms which can be rubbed to the skin of the admired. It can also be in the form of drinkable potions. The suitor may also resort to the use of palabas, meaning show or drama, wherein the Filipino woman succumbs to revealing her love to her suitor, who at one time will pretend or act as if he will be committing suicide if the lady does not divulge her true feelings.

[edit]
Apayao region

The Apayaos allow the practice of sleeping together during the night. This is known as liberal courtship or mahal-alay in the vernacular. This form of courting assists in assessing the woman’s feeling for her lover.

[edit]
Palawan region

In Palawan, the Palaweños or Palawanons perform courtship through the use of love riddles. This is known as the pasaguli. The purpose of the love riddles is to assess the sentiments of the parents of both suitor and admirer. After this "riddle courtship", the discussion proceeds to the pabalic (can also be spelled as pabalik), to settle the price or form of the dowry that will be received by the courted woman from the courting man.

[edit]
Visayas region

When courting, the Cebuanos also resort to serenading, which is known locally as balak. They also write love letters that are sent via a trusted friend or a relative of the courted woman. Presents are not only given to the woman being courted, but also to her relatives. Similar to the practice in the Pangasinan region, as mentioned above, the Cebuanos also use love potions to win the affection of the Filipino woman.
People from Leyte performs the pangagad  or paninilbihan or "servitude", instead of paying a form of dowry during the courtship period. In this form of courting, the Filipino suitor accomplishes household and farm chores for the family of the Filipino woman. The service normally lasts for approximately a year before the man and woman can get married. The Tagalogs of Luzon also refers to this courtship custom as paninilbihan meaning "being of service", but is also referred to as subok meaning a trial or test period for the serving suitor. The Bicolanos of Luzon's Bicol region, call this custom as the pamianan.

[edit]
Mindanao region

The Bagobos, on the other hand, sends a knife or a spear as a gift to the home of the courted woman for inspection. Accepting the weapon is equivalent to accepting the Filipino man’s romantic intention and advances. Reckless courtship, known in the vernacular as palabassarakahan tupul, or magpasumbahi, is practiced by the Tausog people of Mindanao. Similar to the palabas version practiced in Luzon island, a suitor would threaten to stab his heart while in front of the courted woman’s father. If the father of the woman refuses to give her daughter’s hand to the suitor, the suitor is smitten by a knife.
Pre-arranged marriages and betrothals are common to Filipino Muslims. These formal engagements are arranged by the parents of men and the women. This also involves discussions regarding the price and the form of the dowry. The Tausog people proclaims that a wedding, a celebration or announcement known as the pangalay, will occur by playing percussive musical instruments such as the gabbang, the kulintang, and the agong. The wedding is officiated by an Imam. Readings from the Quran is a part of the ceremony, as well as the placement of the groom's fingerprint over the bride's forehead.

Source:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship_in_the_Philippines





Traditional and Modern Courtship


Traditional Courtship vs Modern Courtship


TRADITIONAL COURTSHIP

 Courting under Filipino tradition gives very big importance on the value of respecting the woman and her family and strictly adhering with proper rules set by society for pursuing a lady. This practice which dates back to the Spanish times prohibits men to be very aggressive or becoming even when they want the lady very much. One cannot just talk and approach a lady in the street and ask her number or address. If a young man sees a lady he likes he should seek out the help of a go-between, usually a common friend of both family, to ask the permission of the girls father whether he can visit them in their house. This is the gentlemanly thing to do so the parents will most likely approve unless of course the lady is just a child.


When the approval is obtained, the suitor can then come to the house with the go-between who will initiate the introductions to the family. The parents in turn will introduce their daughter to the gentleman. In this stage, the suitor is expected to bring "pasalubong"or gifts to the family and a special one to the girl he likes. This he will have to do everytime he visits the girl's house. In the Philippines, when you court a lady, you have to court her whole family as well. In this first visit, the couple will not be left alone on their own to get to know each other. It will just be an informal chatting and introduction and getting-to-know stage between the suitor and the family and making clear of the suitor's intention to pursue the host's daughter.


After the initial visit, the suitor is then expected to woo the girl by showing up in her house more often and establish rapport with the her family. This is the stage where he does the "paninilbihan" or servitude. He serves the girls family in any way that he can to show to them and to the girl of his sincere intentions and love for her, be it by chopping firewood, fetching water from the well, etc. It is a way of saying "I will do anything to prove my love for you".


At night, he will sing "harana" or love songs outside the girls house by the window with a guitar and his friends serving as back ups. They will sing and wait until the lady finally opens the window and invites them into the house. They will then be served with light snacks and they can talk in the presence of the girls parents and the man's friends. Note that in most times, the couple will be with either friends or families. It is considered inappropriate to leave an unmarried couple unsupervised in those times no matter what their ages are.


HARANA


The process of courting a Filipina in the traditional sense is a long and arduous process. It is expected that a Filipina will play hard-to-get when court because that is the norm. No matter how much she likes the man, she has to show utmost restraint and disinterest. Girls are made to believe that men will value them more if they are made to work hard before letting them have what they want.


So after a long period of paninilbihan and a series of haranas, the girl can finally accept the suitor's love. At this stage, the couple can now start dating in public but always in the company of a chaperon. The man will still continue to come to the house and help out.


When the time comes when he feels he is ready to get married, he and his parent's will have to come to the girl's house and the parents of the boy will have to formally ask the hand of the hand of the girl in marriage to their son. This stage is called "Pamamanhikan" or "Paghingi ng Kamay". In doing this, they will have to bring with them, lots of food and presents as well as the dowry that they can present to the girls parents.


In the Philippines, dowry is given by the boy's family, not by the girl's family. This is because we give high value to the women in our society and giving them away is not easy. When the two families have come to an agreement as to the dowry, the wedding date is set, a ring is presented to the girl and the couple is said to be betrothed. A small feast is then held with the food brought by the boy's family.


MODERN COURTSHIP


Although a lot of our traditional wedding practice is still being observed these days there are modifications and "evolutions" that has been introduced to it that gives it a more modern version.


Modern Filipino courtship revolves more on the liberalism of Filipino youth. If Filipinos of opposite sex were not allowed to mingle in public in the old days, these days that is already possible. These has allowed courtship to be a little more lenient on youngsters. You can now meet a girl you like through a common friend or on a party but never on a street as the same is still regarded as inappropriate.


Most parents would still want their children to be courted inside the house though some modern and liberal-minded Filipinas don't do this anymore and prefers to meet up somewhere else instead, a clear disregard of tradition and parental respect.


Modern courtship does not really have a pattern. It could start from a group date where friends would pair friends up and tease them. Friends could play cupid and set a couple up and leave them on their own to talk then before you know it they are going out on a date. With the influence of western television, modern courtship these days are going fast although it doesn't necessarily have the emotional baggage attached with immediately going to bed. It would take a lot longer time for Filipinos to trust each other to get to that point. It stems on the virtues rooted from the olden days.


Modern Filipina ladies are also decisive on their choices. Those who do not really want their suitors would not hesitate on letting them know of this fact. A refused suitor is called "basted".


These modern Filipinas are only a tip of the iceberg as most Filipinas especially the ones in the province still adheres to the traditional way of courtship. Most families still observes the rituals connected to panliligaw, pamamanhikan or paghingi ng kamay, dowry etc.


Gone were the days of paninilbihan and haranas. These days, it is enough that a man shows up in a lady's house and bonds with the woman's family. He is not expected to chop wood or fetch water but at least show the girl's family that he is worthy enough of her love.


It is important though to note whether it be traditional or modern, to show your sincere intention of courting by introducing yourself to the family and impressing the girls family in any way that you can.

What is Courtship?

Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. Gifts are exchanged. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage. Within many western societies, these distinct gender roles have lost some of their importance and rigidity. It is now common for females in younger generations both to initiate relationships and to propose marriage.

Miyerkules, Setyembre 26, 2012




Filipino Courtship

Courting under Filipino tradition gives very big importance on the value of respecting the woman and her family and strictly adhering with proper rules set by society for pursuing a lady. This practice which dates back to the Spanish times prohibits men to be very aggressive or becoming even when they want the lady very much. One cannot just talk and approach a lady in the street and ask her number or address. If a young man sees a lady he likes he should seek out the help of a go-between, usually a common friend of both family, to ask the permission of the girls father whether he can visit them in their house. This is the gentlemanly thing to do so the parents will most likely approve unless of course the lady is just a child.

When the approval is obtained, the suitor can then come to the house with the go-between who will initiate the introductions to the family. The parents in turn will introduce their daughter to the gentleman. In this stage, the suitor is expected to bring "pasalubong"or gifts to the family and a special one to the girl he likes. This he will have to do everytime he visits the girl's house. In the Philippines, when you court a lady, you have to court her whole family as well. In this first visit, the couple will not be left alone on their own to get to know each other. It will just be an informal chatting and introduction and getting-to-know stage between the suitor and the family and making clear of the suitor's intention to pursue the host's daughter.

The Filipino way of courtship is probably among the most romantic in the world.